1. Be Positive Refuse to criticize, complain, or condemn anyone for any reason. you lower their self-esteem, take away their self-respect and undermine their self-confidence. Criticism, complaining, and condemnation makes people feel angry and unhappy. Destructive criticism in childhood is the main reason for most unhappiness and problems in adult life. Eliminate it from your vocabulary.
2. Be Agreeable Being agreeable means that you never argue.This makes them angry and defensive. They shut down and become closed off to being influenced by you. By telling them that they are wrong, you diminish their self-esteem and make them resistant to any attempt by you to prove that they have made a mistake. Instead, when someone says something with which you disagree, you can take control of the conversation by asking questions such as, Why do you say that? and Where did you hear that? Instead of arguing, be curious. Ask people if they could help you understand their point of view. Practice your listening skills. Smile, nod, and pay attention. In many cases, even if the person is completely wrong about a subject, it is not that important. Let it go. It doesn’t really matter.
3. Practice Acceptance One of the deepest subconscious needs of each person is to be accepted by others, just for the person he is, without any judgment or criticism. Many of the personal, political, and social problems we have nationwide and worldwide are caused by people who are shouting out to be accepted by others. And how do you express acceptance? You tell them that they are valuable and worthwhile. As a result, they like and accept themselves more. They feel happier about themselves and they feel happier toward you.
4. Express Appreciation The two most magical words in any language are probably the words thank you. Whenever you thank another person for anything he has said or done, his self-esteem immediately goes up. He likes and respects himself more. He feels happier. He then becomes wide open to doing even more of those things that make you happy, causing you to thank him again.
5. Practice Admiration Express your admiration for others at every opportunity. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment.” Compliment people on their possessions, their accomplishments, and their personal traits. You can always find something to compliment, and when you do, you not only raise the self-esteem of the other person and make him feel important, but you feel better and happier about yourself as well.
6. Express Praise and Approval Praise, people, for everything they do for you, large and small. All of the striving in the world today after praise, approval, and rewards is to satisfy the deep human need for approval by other people. When you satisfy this need with each person you talk to, you raise his self-esteem and increase his desire to cooperate with you.
7. Pay Attention Listen to others when they want to talk. You always pay attention to those people who you most value. At the same time, you ignore people you do not value. In effect, by ignoring them, you devalue them and make them feel less important. Here is an example: Imagine being engaged in a pleasant conversation with another person face to face. But then, as the other person is speaking, you simply look away and stop listening. How would the other person feel? How would you feel if somebody turned away and stopped listening to you in the middle of a conversation? The more closely you pay attention to another person,